I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
