You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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