dude i'm inner monologue high
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
