i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She bit a glass in half.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
