I have demons in me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
