I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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