it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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