she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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