I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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