Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
