it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
