Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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