I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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