dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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