I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
birth control should be required to get into college
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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