Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize