Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
