I'd wear matching sweaters with you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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