i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We don't watch enough power rangers
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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