Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
