You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize