the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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