matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
