Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
