i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
