dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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