last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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