I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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