i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
