i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
