There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
