Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
