now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
