you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
