there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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