literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
