I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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