I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
