he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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