Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
