So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
