If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He has the fingertips of a God
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