her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
