I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
