I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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