Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
