He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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