Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
