she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He better not be in your backpack
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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