Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
