God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
