She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my shit smells like andre
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
