Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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