So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
