it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
