Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
