i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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