We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
