Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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