they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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