hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
