i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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