Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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