I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
