RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
