people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
