So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
