just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How's work?
Spinning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
