I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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