i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
