fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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