eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
