I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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