Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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