She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
