Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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