Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i think im in europe. pls send help
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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