Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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