like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
