1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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